The next morning, the wired chuunin continued to ruminate while cooking eggs in the frying pan. 'How can I break up with her without hurting her? It would be easier if she were to break up with me, but that seems unlikely,' he thought to himself as he looked over at the smiling young woman seated at the breakfast table. 'But Kakashi got her to dump him by being a jerk. Or maybe he was just acting. Damn, he's so smart! But I can't act like that. That would ruin my nice guy reputation. Sigh, I guess there's no way but the direct way.'

After a quiet breakfast Iruka broached the subject. "About last night."

"That's all right. I'm sure it happens to every guy at least once.or twice," she replied comfortingly.

"No, it's more than that. It's us.I think it's not working out."

"What?!" Her smiling face fell instantly.

"It's not you.it's me." Iruka explained lamely. "I'm just not sure of my feelings any more."

"What?! Did I do something wrong? You just told me you loved me the other day. Was that a lie?"

"Well.I thought I did, but now I don't know."

"What changed? What happened?" she demanded.

"I.I'm not sure. It's just that since last night."

"I told you that didn't matter to me."

"No, it was just before that. I can't explain it. Since dinner last night.I've just been feeling.strange." 'Not that there's anything wrong with that,' Iruka insisted to himself.

"Is there someone else?" Ayame's women's intuition suddenly kicked in.

"Huh? No! No one else.not really," denied Iruka weakly.

"Tell me dammit! I deserve that much, don't I, Mr. Nice Guy, NOT!" Ayame demanded angrily.

Iruka sighed and scratched his head in embarrassment. But the honest chuunin answered, "I think I have feelings for Kakashi."

"You have got to be kidding! How.why."

"I don't know why.all of a sudden I saw him walking by the ramen stand last night and the moon was reflecting off his hair and it gave him this silver halo and he just looked so.I think I need some time to sort things out." Iruka trailed off, blushed and shrugged.

Ayame started to cry. "I can't believe this. I knew I could never compete with a kunoichi.but I never thought.Kakashi.what the hell. I guess I can't compete with him either." she sobbed. "But don't expect me to be waiting around for you to get your head on straight. And don't expect extra ramen toppings ever again!"

Her tears like acid burned his heart. He wanted to hold her, comfort her, carry her back to bed, but something alien was holding him back. Some great external force he could not fight. In his confusion, he did nothing, said nothing.

'Dammit tears didn't work!' To save what little dignity she had, Ayame stopped crying, stood up, gathered her things in silence and left.

-.-.-.-

'Kakashi again! It's like he's fated to ruin my life! Damn him! I wish there were a way to get rid of him.' Ayame contemplated her options. On her paycheck, she could not afford to hire someone to assassinate Kakashi. If only he had a dangerous enemy she could seek out. But she knew her thoughts of killing Kakashi were just an over reaction to the situation. She did not really want him dead. She just did not want him with Iruka. 'If I can't have Iruka.then no one can! Especially NOT Kakashi!' she resolved to herself. 'But if I really love Iruka, I should want him to be happy. Am I being selfish? So what if I am? I want him and Kakashi can't have him! Over my dead body...no, not mine...that would be bad...over their dead bodies...no, not Iruka's, then I would have no one...over Kakashi's dead body...but I don't really want him dead...'

Her father knew immediately that something was wrong as soon as he saw his daughter walk by the ramen stand, forgetting where it was. He called out to her then she turned back around and sadly sagged over to a seat, burying her head in her arms on top of the counter.

"Problems with Iruka-sensei?" her father asked as delicately as he could, which wasn't very.

"He dumped me again!" she sobbed. She could not bring herself to add that it was for Kakashi.

Her father sighed, not surprised. After all, why pay for the toppings if you can get the ramen for free?

-.-.-.-

Lunchtime...

Naruto looked at his bowl of ramen in dismay. Instead of the well organized bowl of noodles he was use to, the toppings were haphazardly mixed in with the noodles and the noodles were the crappy short ones from the dregs. And Ayame had glared at him dangerously.

'What's with that look? Did I do something?' he wondered, then sniffed himself to make sure it wasn't B.O.

After most of the lunch clientele had left, Naruto was still eating his sixth bowl of noodles. No matter how crummy it looked, to his relief it still tasted the same. Finally, he asked for the bill. Ayame slammed it on the counter causing his chopsticks and bowl to clatter.

"Hey, hey miss, what's the problem here? I'm one of your best customers and you're treating me like something you stepped on!"

"You.you men are all alike! Your sensei is a complete bastard!"

"Kakashi sensei?" Naruto automatically assumed since Iruka sensei was such a great guy.

"Both of them! I can't believe I got dumped for Kakashi!"

"Huh? You got dumped? For Kakashi sensei? How.you're a girl and he's a guy.I don't get it.You mean you got dumped so Kakashi sensei could go out with you?"

"No! Iruka dumped me so he could go out with Kakashi!"

"Wait.Iruka-sensei dumped you.for Kakashi sensei? That doesn't make sense at all!" The enormity and preposterousness of the situation was almost too much for his simple mind to handle. "Why?" he finally asked.

"That's what I want to know! What do you think? I mean you're close to the two of them, right?"

"Well." Naruto thought about it hard. He wasn't so naïve that he didn't know that some people preferred the same gender, but at the same time he couldn't understand it either. Girls were so much prettier, with smooth skin, soft hair, and nicer curves. He couldn't understand it at all.except.there was that one thing.

"You know.Kakashi sensei has better skin than you. It's fairer and smoother from what I can tell. And your hair is always.greasy looking, probably from the oil and heat from cooking."

Ayame frowned. She was not appreciating this critique at all.

".and of course.er.from what I understand.not having had any experience you know.guys have the same.equipment.maybe guys know better.how to make a guy.feel good?" Naruto stammered his explanation with a red face.

Realization dawned on the desperate young woman. "That's it! That must be it! Thank you Naruto-kun! I know exactly what I should do now." She grabbed a coupon good for one free ramen and flung it at Naruto while calling out, "Dad take over, I'll be back.some time."

-.-.-.-

Of course now that Naruto knew, soon most of Konoha would know. He purposely sought out Sakura first to tell her the latest gossip. He bumped into her near the grocery store where she was running an errand for her mother.

"Sakura-chan, Sakura-chan, guess what?" But the enthusiastic blonde could not wait for a reply but burst out, "Iruka sensei is in love with Kakashi sensei!"

(Innner Sakura: What the hell?!) Sakura was doubly horrified! She immediately knew it was all her fault but she did not want to admit it. 'Iruka sensei's in love with Kakashi sensei! Can things be any worse? If they find out it's my fault. But it's only supposed to last a couple of days. on Sasuke. Iruka-sensei must weight at least 50 percent more.so maybe the effects will wear off by tomorrow morning. What can happen in less than 24 hours?'

"I.I'm sure it's all a mistake," Sakura offered. "Iruka sensei and the ramen girl are probably just having some relationship issues. Maybe they're using Kakashi sensei as an excuse not to communicate," Sakura said wisely.

"Hmm.that would make sense.I mean Iruka-sensei and Kakashi-sensei together? No way!"

"That's right, just look at the books Kakashi-sensei reads. It's a guy chasing a girl, right? Not a guy chasing a guy!"

"You're absolutely right! There must be some misunderstanding. Whew! I was really concerned there for a while," Naruto said in relief. "I mean what if Iruka-sensei was so nice to me and buying me ramen all the time because he was interested."

"Ugh! Just stop right there!" (Inner Sakura: That's disgusting to the max!) Sakura raised her hands to cover her ears. It was bad enough picturing Iruka with Kakashi, but Iruka with Naruto was just too much for her delicate mind to handle.

-.-.-.-

Kakashi was having a nice lazy oblivious day with no missions. It was his errand day and he had just returned home from picking up his dry cleaning and groceries. While storing away his extra shirts, he heard a desperate knock at the door. He opened it to find the ramen girl standing there with her cheeks flushed, her eyes bright, and her chest heaving.

-.-.-.-

Iruka spent most of the day in a depression. Luckily it was the weekend and there were no classes so he was free to just lie in bed and do nothing but angst about his life. 'I don't like this feeling of being alone. These past couple of months. I miss Ayame. No, I miss having someone here with me. I wonder what Kakashi's doing. I wonder if he likes being alone. I wonder if he would like some company. Maybe I should drop by to say hi, but I need an excuse, I can't just drop by. His birthday is next week, but I can't wait that long! I have to see him!'

The lovesick chuunin had repeatedly replayed their last conversation in his mind:

'He must like me or he wouldn't have said what he said, especially about making an exception for me,' Iruka rationalized. 'I have to do something to let him know how I feel.'

Finally he got out of bed, showered, dressed, then left with a clear plan. Iruka first dropped by the flower shop where Ino was trying hard to use her mind confusion technique on an aphid, wondering if it would work on Shino's bugs.

"I'd like a bouquet of violet, blue, and yellow flowers," her frequent customer said while blushing and recalling the flowers Ayame had sent him a month ago.

"Is it for a guy?" Ino asked brightly.

"Huh? No, just for myself, to brighten up my apartment," Iruka explained unconvincingly.

"Oh really?" Ino said suspiciously. She had already heard from Naruto about Iruka's crush (though Naruto believed Sakura's reasoning, the rumor was just too good not to repeat). But since running the flower shop, she'd seen stranger things, and Kakashi got flowers from all sorts of people, of all ages, gender, races, creeds, and even species (summoned animals received a discount).

-.-.-.-.-

As Iruka approached Kakashi's apartment building, he saw Ayame leaving, presumably for work as it was near the dinner hour. A peculiar pang of jealousy ran through him, but whom was he jealous of? Kakashi or Ayame?

Though confused, the persistent chuunin continued with his plan and knocked on the door of the one he desired. The gray haired jounin quickly answered, expecting that Ayame had returned for seconds.

"Iruka sensei?" Kakashi said in surprise.

"Yeah, umm, hi...here.er.these are for you," Iruka stammered in embarrassment as he thrust the bouquet of flowers at his superior.

"Me?" Kakashi's eye widened even more.

"H.happy birthday!"

"That's next week."

"But then you wouldn't be surprised."

i Kakashi thought. 'Strange that Ayame dropped by with a proposition.What's going on with these two?'

"I've been thinking.about what you said to me last time." Iruka started to say.

"Hmm?" Kakashi tried hard to remember the last time he spoke at length with the chuunin.

"About my.interest in you.I think it might be true."

"Huh?" Kakashi raised his eyebrow, now recalling the topic of their last conversation. 'Oh crap, I was just making a joke! Me and my big mouth!'

"I think you're right, I do have feelings for you and it's time I admitted it. I've broken off with Ayame." Iruka forced himself to look into Kakashi's eye, anticipating his response. He also noted to himself that Kakashi's apartment was nice and neat, the way he kept his own place. Ayame tended to throw her stuff everywhere. Kakashi was definitely better!

Kakashi was so stunned he couldn't think of anything to say to the blushing young man.

".and you said if it didn't work out. you were available." Iruka's face was so red, it looked as if he just fell face forward into a pool of blood.

Kakashi sighed and scratched his head, trying to maintain his cool, but desperately thinking how to handle this awkward situation. 'Well.I've never been involved with a couple before. no... wait, actually I was, but that was at the same time under consensual but less peculiar circumstances."

"Why don't you come in and have a seat," Kakashi finally said. He decided to address this issue of Iruka and the ramen girl once and for all. He did not like being caught in the middle of their madness. Ayame had not mentioned anything wrong with her relationship with Iruka, except for the problem with Iruka's sexual dysfunction, which Kakashi patiently tutored her on resolving.

He decided to take the psych-analytical approach. "So when did you realize.your feelings?" Kakashi asked the younger man.

"Just yesterday, after your visit to the ramen stand." Iruka's eyes looked down and his hands fidgeted in his lap.

"Did you do anything peculiar that day?"

"No, everything was normal."

"How did you feel.about the ramen girl, the day before?"

"I was thinking that I loved her, but was unsure whether she's really the one for me. I mean, have you ever had a real conversation with her? All she talks about is ramen!"

"No, I can't say I've spoken to her at length," mused Kakashi, who was normally not interested in conversation with women but rather just bedtime. "Are you sure this is not some.unconscious reaction to your uncertainty? That you've transferred your feelings from her to me as an excuse, a reason to end your relationship with the ramen girl."

"Well, I thought about that, but.why you? I mean, quite honestly, I used to think you were rather annoying and insensitive. You can't even remember Ayame's name."

"That's the crux of the problem isn't it? What was it that.attracted you?" Kakashi continued, ignoring the insult and thinking the situation got stranger by the second.

"I.I'm not sure. I was sitting at the ramen stand and was feeling pretty happy, I think, and was about to eat my ramen and drink my sake.then you came by and all of a sudden I saw you in a different light. Maybe it was the moonlight. It was reflecting off your hair and made you look.ethereal," Iruka blushed again.

'Hmm.I know I'm cool and all, but something sounds suspicious,' Kakashi thought then asked, "So when did you break off with the ramen girl?"

"This morning, after I thought about it all night. I mean, it's not fair to her, you know. Why are you asking me all these questions? I just told you how I feel.are you interested or not?" Iruka asked heatedly, wanting very badly to jump Kakashi's bones as he recalled how iridescently silver Kakashi's gray hair looked under moonlight. The normally gray haired jounin paced across the room thoughtfully as Iruka sat impatiently.

"So everything was fine up to the point when I dropped by the ramen stand?" Kakashi interrogated while rubbing his chin.

"Yes!"

"Did you eat or drink anything?"

"I was about to eat my ramen and I just drank my sake..."

"Do you normally drink sake with your ramen?"

"No, but I was feeling a bit stressed. The kids at the Academy."

"Did the sake taste.odd?"

"I don't think so. It's the regular cheap stuff they serve under the counter to regular customers since they don't really have a liquor license. Boy, they could have been in real trouble if Sasuke had drank my sake."

"Sasuke?"

"Yeah, Ayame accidentally switched our drinks.but enough talk." Iruka abruptly stood up from his seat and approached Kakashi directly. Kakashi backed away until his back was up against the wall. "Let's see what's under that mask..." Iruka said huskily as his hands reached up toward Kakashi's mask.

'Geez, I know I should stop him, but I don't want to hurt him, and he is awfully cute like this, naïve yet impulsive, just like the ramen girl...' Kakashi thought, but raised his hands to stop Iruka's. "I think we'd better discuss this some more..."

"Less talk, more action," murmured Iruka as his face neared Kakashi's even as his hands were held away.

Kakashi's hands were locked around Iruka's wrists. If he had wanted to, the jounin could have easily snapped them. But what exactly did he want?

Iruka's face came closer and closer. Kakashi could feel the lovesick chuunin's hot breath tingling his bit of exposed skin, and his body pressing hard onto his. Luckily they were both wearing their usual uniforms and the thick shinobi vests prevented them from feeling much more. Kakashi didn't flinch away as Iruka's teeth made contact with his mask, trying to pull it down. The currently still masked shinobi was close, quite close to giving in, but...then he noticed Iruka's eyes. His pupils were constricted; he was not himself; this was not what he wanted.

Kakashi channeled chakra into his hands, caused a shock to Iruka's system, and pushed him away. Iruka felt a sharp pain in his head, and a shudder through his body. He grabbed his head with both hands and groaned. Alarmed, Kakashi helped him back to the chair.

Iruka took several deep breaths until the pain subsided. Now that the pain was gone, so was the cloud that had enveloped his mind for the past 20 hours.

"Are you okay?" Kakashi asked as he handed his potential paramour a glass of water.

"Yeah, I think so... thanks." Iruka slowly drank the water while thinking, 'What is wrong with me? What am I doing? I love Ayame, not Kakashi... I think...no I'm sure!'

"I...I'm sorry Kakashi sensei, I don't know what came over me. I do love Ayame...you're right, I was just using you to avoid commitment," said Iruka sheepishly, grabbing onto the most logical explanation.

Kakashi quickly nodded in agreement, "Yes, I know, I was just testing you to see how far you'd go. Ha-ha."

"I'm glad you understand. Don't mention this to anyone, okay?" Iruka pled and added to himself, 'Last thing I want is to be the topic of shinobi gossip again!'

"Right, who would I tell?" Kakashi readily agreed and added to himself,'Last thing I want is to be the topic of shinobi gossip again!'

-.-.-.-.-

Iruka returned morosely to his empty apartment. His stomach rumbled loudly. He had not eaten anything all day, but still he ignored his stomach's complaints. Instead he lay in bed again with his hands behind his head, just thinking.'What the hell is wrong with me? How can I Iove Ayame one minute, then Kakashi, then Ayame? Am I sure now? Would she take me back again after I dumped her twice? Geez, this is going to cost me a huge amount in flowers. At least Ino will be happy.'

Then he remembered how he saw Ayame leaving Kakashi's abode. 'What was she doing at Kakashi's? She didn't sleep with him again did she? I can't believe it, she did it again! Just to get back at me? Or maybe she's actually happy we broke up so she could go back to Kakashi. Maybe that's why Kakashi wasn't interested; he was already tired from... I can't believe her! What a slut! But I did break up with her, so who am I to judge? I bet she did it to get back at me. Damn it! I really screwed up this time!'

The poor chuunin continued to berate himself but also his ex-paramour for her indiscretions. 'Why doesn't she ever think before she acts.wait, that's the problem.she does think but her way of thinking usually leads to trouble.but that's what makes her special isn't it?'

Iruka began to itemize the ramen girl's good points and bad points: 'Good: She's cute. She can cook. She's nice. She likes kids. She's good with kids. Her hips are big enough to have kids.She laughs at my jokes, well, when she gets it. She makes me feel smart and confident.usually.except when it comes to Kakashi. She has a good body, good in bed, and is willing to...experiment... Bad: She's not the sharpest point on a shuriken. Kind of spacey. Conversation's about as deep as a teaspoon of water. She's obsessed with ramen. She was obsessed with Kakashi, well, I was obsessed with Kakashi too, so I guess that cancels out. She's impulsive and does strange things like those clothes she wore on our first date. She's limited to civilian techniques...'

The scales tipped back and forth with no resolution. Finally Iruka gave up, got up and rummaged through the refrigerator for some food. All he had was a container of ramen leftover from the previous night that Ayame had packed him. 'Sigh, I'm willing to eat just ramen for the rest of my life if she'll take me back,' he thought as he heated up the ramen in his microwave. When he opened the container he saw that she had arranged the toppings into a misshapen heart. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the silly expression of affection. He tried to eat the noodles from under the toppings, hoping not to disturb the funny valentine, but alas like their relationship, it fell apart.

Later that night, Iruka was trying hard to work on his lesson plans for the upcoming week. He found his thoughts not focused on the parabolic paths of kunai but on how much brighter the nights and mornings were when Ayame stayed over, even defying her father for him. He gave up on accomplishing any work and was thinking of going back to bed when there was a persistent knock at the door. 'This late? Who could it be? I hope it's anyone but Kakashi...'

It was the ramen girl who had just gotten off work.

Iruka immediately apologized, "Ayame-chan, I'm sorry, I."

But she cut him off with a hard kiss, her hands circled tightly around his neck pulling him down. After releasing his lips she said seductively, "Let's not talk now, I have some things I want to show you."

-.-.-.-.-

What Ayame was doing with Kakashi

Before she spoke to Naruto, Ayame had intended to have it out with the obstacle in her path to happiness. Screaming at him would solve nothing but it usually made her feel a bit better. But now she amended her plan. 'So that's why Iruka dumped me. It's not really because he's in love with Kakashi, but I'm just not adequate in bed. I thought things were going really well but.maybe it was like the time with Kakashi. I thought he was the one who was boring, but it's not him, it's me. I'm the problem. Like Naruto says, I don't have enough experience with male equipment. But Kakashi does, I can get him to tutor me! Then I'll win back Iruka from him. Hope I get to him before Iruka does!'

Ayame scoured Kakashi's usual haunts, looking for the gray haired jounin to put her plan into action. First she checked the Hokage's building for the mission log (he was not on active duty today), then his apartment (no answer), then the bookstore, and the grocery store. The clerks at the latter two establishments did see Kakashi earlier, but each time she had just missed him. Her frustration grew and grew. But then she decided to wait for him back at his apartment and lo and behold he was already home!

Before Kakashi could express his surprise, Ayame launched into her pitch, "You have to help me! You're the only one who can help save my relationship with Iruka!'

"I'm sorry, but please don't involve me anymore." Kakashi started to say in his apathetic way.

"You're the only other shinobi I know well enough to ask and you owe me!" Ayame insisted, punctuating her point with her index finger jabbing at Kakashi's chest.

"I owe you?"

"Yes! For telling everyone I was pregnant! My customers are still hazing me: 'So when's the bun ready? I didn't know you could bake too. I'd like a bun with my ramen."

"Yeah, er, sorry about all that."

"So you'll help me?"

"Sigh, fine, whatever you want."

"I want you to tutor me.in shinobi love."

"Huh?"

"Well, I figure you can't possibly be as boring in bed as you were when I slept with you, so it must be because you're used to kunoichi."

Kakashi sighed again and asked, "So what brought this up?"

"I'm having some problems with Iruka related to.bedroom problems." Ayame said with a blush, but with determination, her eyes maintained contact with Kakashi's.

-.-.-.-

"Yes, that's it, take it all the way in. Don't worry about gagging, you'll get used to it. And don't forget about the other hand. yeah that's good. Now faster. slower.faster, that's it.Mmm hmmm.Pretty soon you'll be a pro.Oh.no.don't do that!"

Kakashi watched in horror as Ayame bit off the head of the banana and squashed the fuzzy peaches in her hand.

"A bit more gently next time," he reprimanded as he handed her another banana.

-.-.-

Five minutes ago: